Expectations and Trust

“...you will conceive and bear a son…

call his name Jesus.

He will be great

& will be called the Son of the Most High.

The Lord God

will give to him the throne of his father David,

& he will reign over the house of Jacob forever,

& of his kingdom there will be no end….

The child to be born will be called holy--the Son of God.” (Lk. 1)

This is what You told Mary to start with. This was how her story started. These were the expectations that You set. This happened before all the shame, before Joseph and the turmoil of the engagement being threatened, before the Roman politics and the tax census. This happened before Simeon’s terrifying and cryptic words, before the visit of the Magi, the horrifying actions of Herod, and the escape to Egypt. This happened before Mary's life was completely disrupted, turned upside-down, destroyed.

You sent an angel to a young woman with a message full of wonder and promise and presence. And she believed it.

And, God, from where we stand, it all went downhill from there. Why You do ‘dis?

Also from our perspective: things often go this way, and at the end of the path of an obedience that began with hope and light and certainty, we, like Mary, find ourselves standing at the foot of a cross, heartbroken. Looking up at the bloody, mangled remains of the gift that came to us with such promise and hope. What is this awfulness? No wonder we feel like fools when You ask us to hold onto faith and hope for a Resurrection. But where else can we go?

“Behold, I am the servant of the Lord. Let it be to me like you have said.”

So...please...heal our cynicism and skepticism. Our hard-heartedness.

God, we have hurt often and long and hard at how Your words and promises come true in real life. Apparently our expectations are usually wrong and Your purposes are inscrutable (You actually told us that ahead of time). We often feel like there’s a terrible bait-and-switch going on, and like we can’t take Your words at face value (but we’re afraid that we’re going to be punished if we don’t--cue the Zechariah story: “you’ll be mute because you didn’t believe my words that will be fulfilled in their time”). It’s hard for us to believe that You will end things in a way that is “better than we could ask or think,” since things regularly go worse than we expected/hoped (based, we thought, on things You had said). We feel our smallness and our inadequacy in understanding and interpreting the things You say to us.

The more this happens, the more suspicious we become of angels and angel visits and angel messages and anything else that seems too good to be true, too full of goodness and joy. Suspicious of You and Your trustworthiness.

I guess I don’t think You blame us, though. You actually understand. You know that faith is a tall order. That’s why You value it so much. You like to be trusted, because You know just how confusing and hard things can get from our side of the coin.

So help us to trust You. May the Spirit fill us again today and convince us that You do love us. Give us the willingness and ability to trust You. We actually do love You. You loved us, and You planted love for You in our hearts. No matter how much we struggle, we actually do love You and want You. So breathe life back into our faith today.

And when we are confused or hurt or afraid or cynical or angry, come down and be near to us: be our Jesus who saves his people from their sins and is our God with us.

“We will trust in You.”

^^^This miracle brought to us by the Spirit of the Holy One who overshadows us and places life within us. Just like he did in Mary.

*written 11/8/18

Image by Free Photos from Pixabay

Lament

Teach us to lament with You,

O God.

We feel Your grief; it rises strong

in us.

The hurt that fills Your heart

now floods

our own and makes us know

that You—

Ancient and Wise beyond our grasp—

still feel

the brokenness and pain that seem

always 

to come, to cut, to curse, to cure.

And yet,

You have not made Yourself

exempt

from all the harm of humanness.

You came,

and as a Man, You shared our lot.

You bore 

the bitter days of darkness, worlds

of grief;

absorbed into Your heart 

the ache

of all that evil’s rage has marred

in us.

Your life and death continue on:

the Church

reflects You, Three-in-One.

We share

with You in life and death, relationships and harm

and grief,

and, weeping, raise our own

lament.

A Prayer in Dark Times

Psalm 66

For You, O God, have tested us;

You have tried us as silver is tried.

You brought us into the net;

You laid a crushing burden on our backs;

You let men ride over our heads;

we went through fire and through water....

There are places that none of us would choose for ourselves;

yet God chooses them for us at times. 

This prayer is from one of those times and those places.

These days are so long and painful. The hours drag. Even the minutes do. I want to quit. I want out. But You’re not going to let me out, are You? And that’s good of You. I believe that. But there’s no end in sight to all of the hardest things. I can’t keep doing this. And You’re just progressively upping the ante. It’s getting harder and more expensive. You’re playing to win big. I want to tell You that You’ve chosen the wrong teammate. But I know You’ve already won – the victory is not dependent on Your “teammates.” I want to tell You that I don’t care to play, that I’ll just pass until it’s game over, but I know that You want me to play with You. You’re not forcing me to play; You’re inviting me to be with You. You don’t force Yourself on us; that’s not how You work. You actually love us and want us to be with You (and who can resist being actually wanted by You?). I want to tell You that it’s too much, that I can’t bear up under this crushing load. But You give strength for what You put on us. But it doesn’t feel that way. It feels crushing. And sometimes You do crush people. You crushed Your Son, and it brought salvation for the world. What will You bring through my crushing? How will You bring salvation and for whom? Will You intervene in answer to my prayers for my people? I hurt. I want to scream or to cry. But I can’t do either. There’s no outlet for the pain. Just the silent imploding inside…and the darkness. You’ve been there too. I know. So You’re not afraid of it, and You’re not going to abandon me to it. You’ve been through it and have come out the other side. And somehow when You walked through all this, You tapped into the joy that was waiting on the other side. I’m afraid of wanting to want joy. I’m afraid of joy. I’m afraid it would break me. Like pouring warm water on a frozen windshield – that I would shatter. But You didn’t. You were going through the absolute worst, and You kept Your eyes on joy, and it helped You endure. Help me open my eyes and look through the darkness toward the light. And in this suffering, give me Yourself. 

And at the risk of being trite at the end of a serious post, I'll share this bit of humor from a sign in a local coffee shop restroom. The final line seemed very appropriate on the particular day that I read it. He knows how to provoke a smile even in the dark times. 

Tropism

Do you remember learning about "tropism" in the plant section of your 4th grade science book? You know, phototropism, hydrotropism, and thigmotropism? I remember being intrigued and looking for examples of tropisms in the plants around me.

The Biology Online dictionary defines "tropism" as "A movement or growth response of a cell or an organism to a stimulus, which may either be positive or negative depending on the source and kind of stimulation." The entry goes on to differentiate "tropism" from similar phenomena such as "kinesis" or "taxis" and then offers examples of various kinds of "tropism."

You wanted to know all of that, right? (But really, it's pretty cool.)

Over the years, the idea of tropism has grown deeper roots in my life. According to the Bible, the God who made the world, crafts each human individually, and orders every day with personal attention and care is continually calling people to come to Him and to know Him. He's always pursuing relationship with people. There's a very real sense in which He intends for every single facet of your life in every single stage of your life to act as a stimulus in your relationship with Him. The Christian's interaction with life should be "theotropic."

That being said, I wanted to share two tropism parables with you.

1). Thigmotropism (response to touch stimuli).

I wrote this little poem-prayer back when I was in school (and when I thought that writing poetry in Elizabethan English was a thing. I've since learned differently. Don't judge.).

Thigmotropy

As vining plant, when touched by stick,

In glad dependence graspeth quick,

Let me, dear Lord, when touched by Thee,

Display a like thigmotropy.

2). Heliotropism (response to the sun).

When I took a walk a few evenings ago, I noticed these field clovers craning their necks west, turning full face toward the setting sun. The responsiveness of the plants to the sun echoed in my own heart as a prayer for myself and the people I love: "May our hearts always turn toward You like that."

What have you seen recently that has helped your heart grow toward God?

Peace

Peace

Peace is what happens when the burden of life is borne by someone greater than us, so that, although we are small, we are sure of being cared for. Like being under a truly good, benevolent government. "Of the increase of His government and of peace there will be no end." Peace happens when everything shifts into perspective in relation to You, remembering that You are in control and that You are full of love and grace, very strong, and for us. The heaviness may not go away, but it doesn't crush in quite the same way because we realize that You take complete responsibility for the world and for our lives and that we are precious to you. We can rest because everything is being taken care of. This is peace for tortured minds and hurting hearts. We don't have to figure it out. We don't have to manufacture the strength to make it through all by ourselves. We don't have to perform to get Your attention. You are already present, already gracious, already strong, already good, already in control, and already at work to bring about Your wise purposes. In the end, You have promised that the whole world will experience peace. Until then, let the lives of Your children be filled with peace and act as signposts pointing to You, the Prince of Peace. Teach us to enter into Your rest and peace, to take full advantage of it. You are the God of peace: i.e., You know who You are and what exactly it is that You are doing, and You are pleased with that. You invite us to share in Your peace by faith, putting our trust in You and Your constant, caring control. Help us accept Your invitation, aka, give us peace. 

(This post is #6 of 6 personal meditations on God's names and character. Here are the links to Great Physician, Inscrutable, Immanuel, Steadfast and Grace.)

Immanuel

Immanuel

Immanuel. Here. The Present God, the God who has always chosen to live in the midst of His people. Our Immanuel. All that it means to have You here with us. All that it means to have You here with me. O God - my God - thank You. Your omnipresence is one of my favorite things about You. Despite my own finiteness and my sinful bids for independence that often draw me away from savoring Your presence and being present with You in every moment of my daily life, I can truly say that I'm delighted by Your ubiquitousness that allows us to have constant interaction with You. Beyond Your companionship (which is the jewel of life), Your strength, authority, wealth, gladness, wisdom, love, and grace are such treasures that You have generously given me access to at every point. All that You are, You are here and now with me. This is amazing and praise-inducing. You are Immanuel, the God who incarnates, the One who draws near. I love You, and here and now I come to rest under the shadow of Your wings. 

(This is #3 of 6 personal meditations on God's names and character. Here are the links to Great Physician and Inscrutable.)

Inscrutable Ways

Inscrutable Ways

You do so many many things that leave us wondering. We don't understand Your actions; they baffle us. And we hurt. But You are God: the infinite, glorious, almighty, good God. And of course we, with our finite and darkened minds, can't understand You. Forgive me for resenting and resisting Your inscrutable ways. You told us from the beginning that You are inscrutable and Your ways are beyond our ability to sort out. And You said from the outset that Your people live by faith and that faith is what allows us to draw near to You. Ah, Lord, I humble myself under Your mighty hand. "Lord, I am willing to receive what You give, to lack what You withhold, to relinquish what You take, to suffer what You inflict, to be what You desire." I don't need to understand, but I can, and by Your grace I will, trust. 

(This is #2 of several brief meditations on God's titles and character. Here's the first one, if you missed it and you're interested.)

The Far Kingdom

Gusting winds roll the maple leaves, flashing their silver undersides. Sunlight and shadows play in the blue-skyed afternoon, and the birds chirp out their pleasure at the whole scene. 

I sit in the car, treasuring the few minutes of solitude, wishing to talk to God, yet quivering with that inside exhaustion that makes it difficult to do more than just stare. These days of battle blur together; they live heavily yet pass quickly, leaving the past hidden under a dust-cloud while a deep fog hangs over future. The war can be relentless; the days grueling. And sometimes, in the middle of it all, the outcome feels murky and uncertain. Except for one thing. 

There is one thing that not even the battle-haze can completely obscure: the Far Kingdom. It is visible even here in the raging present. There are promises. There is a river. There is a city of God. There is a King, and there is a Kingdom. And though everything else crumbles around us, we as believers have received a Kingdom that cannot be shaken (Heb. 12). The promises of God cannot fail. God cannot lie. So here in my car, in the middle of the battle, with all its noise, danger, and exhaustion, I will pause to look up for a glimpse of the King and the Kingdom. I will remember that I have been given two solid realities: today and the Final Day: a Now and a Forever. Everything that lies between these two realities must be taken in by faith. 

O God, give me courage to live today. Help me to look up, to see the Far Kingdom, to ride into battle with the joy of faith, to believe that every sword-stroke leaves its mark, that every wound works a weight of glory, and that nothing will be wasted. In Your love, grant me this grace as You have promised.

(I would be remiss and less than generous if I didn't share this jewel of a song with you: Far Kingdom. It has helped me for many weeks now. Click the link. Listen to it. And while you are at it, also listen to Shadows of the Dawn by the same artist, The Gray Havens.)

God Who Works Wonders

The account of Samson: such a fascinating, complex narrative. God is at work doing surprising things: using people that we would never use to get our work done, letting His purposes reach His people via the winding trails of their own sins and failings. And although He does judge those sins and expose those weaknesses, as we read the Biblical account, we find that His people are never at the mercy of their weaknesses. He is always quietly in control, accomplishing His work with daunting precision and giving grace in unexpected, generous ways. He rescues His people again and again in ways that we never saw coming.

Here are two notes on the first part of the life of Samson:

1) The first is a simple meditation on a name of God that appears in the narrative.

Following the second announcement of the angel of the LORD (Judg. 13), Manoah offers a sacrifice to “Yahweh who works wonders.”

Take that in. Turn it over in your heart and mind. Ask yourself: What is your impossible request right now? What situations sit on your heart like a 160 lb. weight? Where does the hurt cut so deep the healing seems beyond reach? Friend, He is the One who works wonders. He can do anything. Take this truth about Him: admire it, treasure it, feed on it. “Yahweh, the One who works wonders.”

2) The second note offers an example of the LORD working a wonder in Samson’s life.

Judges 15 – And Samson was very thirsty, and he called upon the LORD and said, “You have granted this great salvation by the hand of Your servant (he had just killed 1000 of Israel’s enemies), and shall I now die of thirst and fall into the hands of the uncircumcised?” And God split open the hollow place that is at Lehi, and water came out from it. And when he drank, his spirit returned, and he revived. Therefore the name of it was called En-hakkore (“the spring of the one who called”); it is at Lehi to this day.

Amazing, isn't it? Just like that – because one of his thirsty children cried to Him – “God split open the hollow place” and made a new stream that flowed for years to come. 

Reading this account reminded me of the passage in Isaiah where, hundreds of years later, God promises to provide water for His people in their time of need.

Isaiah 41 – When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst, I the LORD will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys. I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.

No idle words, this promise. God has already shown His ability to do this on behalf of one of His own. So take heart, believer. God is the kind of God who intervenes in His children’s lives.

In pondering the Samson account in conjunction with the Isaiah passage, I found two things particularly encouraging:

* God did this miracle for Samson (a struggle-laden judge, at best: God's care is not dependent on our performance!).

* He did it in answer to Samson’s request (you don’t have because you don’t ask).

This God is our God. He is the One who works wonders. We are the ones who call out. In what ways do we sell God short? What things do we not even ask for because it’s not on our radar screen, because we don’t even think about the fact that if we asked, God might actually do something for us? He’s the kind of God who responds to the needs of His people.

So…ask.

Just ask.

Ask this God who works wonders.

A Prayer for Faith

Holy One, the Holy One from everlasting, our sovereign Lord, our living God, our God who is alive—real—existing, our God who rewards those who seek Him, our Father who has loved us and chosen us and called us: we are among those who want to draw near to You. We want to please You by exercising true faith in believing that You are who You say You are and that You do what You say You do.

We are among those who desire to please You only because You loved us more than we hated You. You wanted us more than we wished to get away from You. You overpowered us and brought us to Yourself. Thank You! Thank You! You brought us to Yourself. And along with us, You have brought an innumerable host of others who are also “bought with the precious blood of Christ.” You have called out a people—a people for Your own possession. We are Your people—Your church. You decided to get Yourself glory by creation and redemption. Thank You. Thank You for redeeming us. We praise You for such infinite generosity on Your part. You are the infinite God. We have no category for You. You break all of our boxes and all our preconceptions and all our expectations. We cannot fathom You. You exceed everything we could ask or think. In the extremity of our limitations (we are limited in every single capacity—without exception!), it is easy and natural for us to be frustrated with Your freedom and with our inability to comprehend You or predict Your doings. We don’t like being outclassed, and we do not really understand worship. And so we resent You, or we try to recast You into a form that we can process—something that fits in a box and resembles our native concepts of reality. But this never works for You. You shatter every human notion. You snap the chains with which we arrogantly and foolishly seek to bind You. You crush the boxes we designed for You. You will not give Your glory to another! You will not be worshipped like a mere idol is worshipped. You will be exalted and enthroned. You will take Your place as the Sovereign of the universe. You will exercise all Your freedom and capacity. You will do whatever You please. You will manifest every diversity that You choose. No one will stay Your hand. No one can rebuke You for what You do. No one can take You on and win. You have the absolute right to act according to Your own counsel and to pursue Your own glory and good pleasure. Good God, breath-taking, brilliant God, we praise You!

We praise You, and we come to You. We—our body, Hampton Park—needs You. We need You to work in us and grow and us and change us and let us know You. Break our boxes today. Shatter the limits of our finite demands and expectations of You. Forgive us for making an idol—crafting an image of You in our own imagination and calling it “God.” You are not “a tame lion.” You will not be domesticated. You are not safe. But You are good. You are wise. You are trustworthy. Forgive us for thinking that we can figure things out and live, in our own strength and understanding, lives that please You. Do violence to our paltry, shriveled paradigms of thinking and feeling and living. Enlarge our capacity for You and really, for life—for living: both now and Later. O to know You and Live! Open our eyes to see You as You really are. If only You would excavate our hearts! Teach us to know the love of Christ so that we are capacitated for being filled with all the fullness of God. The life of God in the soul of man—of necessity this is a painful, breaking thing. By definition, it is impossible. But the things that are impossible with men are possible with You. You can fashion the human heart into a temple that is fit for even You to live in. You can make the redeemed soul a home for Yourself, and You can live there with joy and power and peace. You can make many hearts come together and grow together and love together. O do this! Do this for our body! Come! Live in us—individually and corporately—even though the housing of the fullness of God tear our souls apart with the fierceness of the love and joy and the radical nature of the change. Scarring joy. Sweet pain. Genuine truth wedded to genuine love. You can make our church reflect this. You can grow us in truth and love and unity and joy. You can bring about true fellowship—with You and with each other. You can do this, so please do. Grow us.

Teach us to live by faith. If we are living by faith, then we will let You be who You are. We will not arrogantly seek to solve all the questions and provide all the answers and dictate to You what Your course of action must be. We will let You reign. We on earth will reflect Heaven as we reverence Your Name, as we pursue Your Kingdom, and as we do Your will. Accomplish this in us. Teach us to live by faith—O that Christ would dwell in our hearts by faith. It is because Christ is living in us and changing us that we are making these requests. It is on the basis of His standing before You, Father, and our standing in Him alone that we are here confidently and willingly spreading out all of our weakness and sin and inability and desire before You and asking for Your grace and power and truth and love to come and accomplish Your work in our body. We know that You give grace to throne-of-grace-comers. So we come. We love You, and we trust You. We believe that everything really is from You and through You and to You. Please be glorified in us now in increasing measure and then perfectly forever. Amen.

(originally posted 10/11/2011)