“...you will conceive and bear a son…
call his name Jesus.
He will be great
& will be called the Son of the Most High.
The Lord God
will give to him the throne of his father David,
& he will reign over the house of Jacob forever,
& of his kingdom there will be no end….
The child to be born will be called holy--the Son of God.” (Lk. 1)
This is what You told Mary to start with. This was how her story started. These were the expectations that You set. This happened before all the shame, before Joseph and the turmoil of the engagement being threatened, before the Roman politics and the tax census. This happened before Simeon’s terrifying and cryptic words, before the visit of the Magi, the horrifying actions of Herod, and the escape to Egypt. This happened before Mary's life was completely disrupted, turned upside-down, destroyed.
You sent an angel to a young woman with a message full of wonder and promise and presence. And she believed it.
And, God, from where we stand, it all went downhill from there. Why You do ‘dis?
Also from our perspective: things often go this way, and at the end of the path of an obedience that began with hope and light and certainty, we, like Mary, find ourselves standing at the foot of a cross, heartbroken. Looking up at the bloody, mangled remains of the gift that came to us with such promise and hope. What is this awfulness? No wonder we feel like fools when You ask us to hold onto faith and hope for a Resurrection. But where else can we go?
“Behold, I am the servant of the Lord. Let it be to me like you have said.”
So...please...heal our cynicism and skepticism. Our hard-heartedness.
God, we have hurt often and long and hard at how Your words and promises come true in real life. Apparently our expectations are usually wrong and Your purposes are inscrutable (You actually told us that ahead of time). We often feel like there’s a terrible bait-and-switch going on, and like we can’t take Your words at face value (but we’re afraid that we’re going to be punished if we don’t--cue the Zechariah story: “you’ll be mute because you didn’t believe my words that will be fulfilled in their time”). It’s hard for us to believe that You will end things in a way that is “better than we could ask or think,” since things regularly go worse than we expected/hoped (based, we thought, on things You had said). We feel our smallness and our inadequacy in understanding and interpreting the things You say to us.
The more this happens, the more suspicious we become of angels and angel visits and angel messages and anything else that seems too good to be true, too full of goodness and joy. Suspicious of You and Your trustworthiness.
I guess I don’t think You blame us, though. You actually understand. You know that faith is a tall order. That’s why You value it so much. You like to be trusted, because You know just how confusing and hard things can get from our side of the coin.
So help us to trust You. May the Spirit fill us again today and convince us that You do love us. Give us the willingness and ability to trust You. We actually do love You. You loved us, and You planted love for You in our hearts. No matter how much we struggle, we actually do love You and want You. So breathe life back into our faith today.
And when we are confused or hurt or afraid or cynical or angry, come down and be near to us: be our Jesus who saves his people from their sins and is our God with us.
“We will trust in You.”
^^^This miracle brought to us by the Spirit of the Holy One who overshadows us and places life within us. Just like he did in Mary.
*written 11/8/18
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| Image by Free Photos from Pixabay |
