A Prayer in Dark Times

Psalm 66

For You, O God, have tested us;

You have tried us as silver is tried.

You brought us into the net;

You laid a crushing burden on our backs;

You let men ride over our heads;

we went through fire and through water....

There are places that none of us would choose for ourselves;

yet God chooses them for us at times. 

This prayer is from one of those times and those places.

These days are so long and painful. The hours drag. Even the minutes do. I want to quit. I want out. But You’re not going to let me out, are You? And that’s good of You. I believe that. But there’s no end in sight to all of the hardest things. I can’t keep doing this. And You’re just progressively upping the ante. It’s getting harder and more expensive. You’re playing to win big. I want to tell You that You’ve chosen the wrong teammate. But I know You’ve already won – the victory is not dependent on Your “teammates.” I want to tell You that I don’t care to play, that I’ll just pass until it’s game over, but I know that You want me to play with You. You’re not forcing me to play; You’re inviting me to be with You. You don’t force Yourself on us; that’s not how You work. You actually love us and want us to be with You (and who can resist being actually wanted by You?). I want to tell You that it’s too much, that I can’t bear up under this crushing load. But You give strength for what You put on us. But it doesn’t feel that way. It feels crushing. And sometimes You do crush people. You crushed Your Son, and it brought salvation for the world. What will You bring through my crushing? How will You bring salvation and for whom? Will You intervene in answer to my prayers for my people? I hurt. I want to scream or to cry. But I can’t do either. There’s no outlet for the pain. Just the silent imploding inside…and the darkness. You’ve been there too. I know. So You’re not afraid of it, and You’re not going to abandon me to it. You’ve been through it and have come out the other side. And somehow when You walked through all this, You tapped into the joy that was waiting on the other side. I’m afraid of wanting to want joy. I’m afraid of joy. I’m afraid it would break me. Like pouring warm water on a frozen windshield – that I would shatter. But You didn’t. You were going through the absolute worst, and You kept Your eyes on joy, and it helped You endure. Help me open my eyes and look through the darkness toward the light. And in this suffering, give me Yourself. 

And at the risk of being trite at the end of a serious post, I'll share this bit of humor from a sign in a local coffee shop restroom. The final line seemed very appropriate on the particular day that I read it. He knows how to provoke a smile even in the dark times. 

Failure and Mercy

Some observations from Solomon’s life on the character of God and His dealings with people (aka, the mercy of God and failings of men):

1 Kings 2-3 describes the early part of Solomon’s reign as he settled into ruling the nation of Israel and settling out the matters of business that David had handed off to him. Towards the very beginning of his reign, he began violating some of the laws that God had given about worship and kingship. We are going to take a look at the interaction between God, Solomon, and the Israelites and see some beautiful glimpses of God’s nature and how He treats His flawed children.

1 Kings 3:1-5

Solomon made a marriage alliance with Pharaoh king of Egypt. He took Pharaoh's daughter and brought her into the city of David until he had finished building his own house and the house of the LORD and the wall around Jerusalem. The people were sacrificing at the high places, however, because no house had yet been built for the name of the LORD.

Solomon loved the LORD, walking in the statutes of David his father, only he sacrificed and made offerings at the high places. And the king went to Gibeon to sacrifice there, for that was the great high place. Solomon used to offer a thousand burnt offerings on that altar. At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night, and God said, “Ask what I shall give you.”

Several fascinating things in this short text:

1. God had forbidden the Israelites in general to intermarry with other nations, and He had specifically forbidden kings of Israel to intermarry for the purpose of forming political alliances. 1 Kings 3 starts off by saying that Solomon made a marriage alliance with the king of Egypt. (We are noting this, but will not be discussing it further right now.)
2. God had forbidden the Israelites to sacrifice on the high places like the surrounding nations customarily did. They were doing it anyways: “because no house had yet been built for the name of the Lord.” (Note: We usually believe that we have “good” reasons for doing what God has told us not to do.)
3. The text plainly states that “Solomon loved the LORD.”
4. Solomon himself made sacrifices on the high places (and you can tell that God hadn’t changed his mind about the high places, because after saying that “Solomon loved the LORD, walking in the statutes,” the text notes “only he sacrificed and made offerings at the high places” as the exception to that).
5. Solomon goes to a high place in Gibeon (this also seems totally unnecessary, since the Tabernacle was right there in Jerusalem with him). And God comes to him there.

12/14/2017 - Correction to original post:

I learned something this week! I've continued reading through the Historical Books, and I reached 2 Chronicles this last week. 2 Chronicles 1 recounts the same scene that recorded in 2 Kings 3. The 2 Chronicles text tells us that the Tabernacle was located in Gibeon at the time. (Interesting that the ark of God was in Jerusalem, but the Tabernacle was still in Gibeon.) This added information, though, does shed light on Solomon's trip to Gibeon, and I wanted to note it here as a correction to my original post.

God comes to him there. There: in Gibeon. A high place. God meets him there. And God meets him there to bless him. One of the most well-known Solomon moments - where he has this conversation with God and asks for wisdom, and God gives it to him - happens at a high place. What?

Ancient Mayan Temple

Here’s the thing: God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways. He’s not the way we often imagine Him to be. We know that He’s so big and holy. He is powerful and commanding and righteous and completely authoritative. He has the right to make any rules He wants and to enforce those rules and to fiercely punish even the slightest aberration to them. He’s written a sense of His power and Divine right into our human consciousness (Rom. 1), and that is the grace of general revelation. Yet we often imagine Him to be a harsh and malicious authority figure, tracking our every movement and ready to punish when we make the slightest mistake or break a single command that He’s given. Deep inside our hearts, we tend to have this dread of Him. We neither worship Him for His greatness nor trust Him for His goodness. By birth and by choice, we are enemies of God in our hearts, and we treat Him with suspicion. We try to keep our lives to ourselves and out from under His nose, all the while resenting the fact that avoiding Him entirely isn’t an option. (Look, I know that we would never put it into so many words! We don’t consciously think this about God, but if it surprises you that God meets with Solomon at a high place [and it should surprise you, if you’ve read the Pentateuch well!], then you can be sure that something inside you is suspicious of God and that something in you believes that you have to do everything just right in order for God to meet with you.

But God is surprising. He is surprisingly full of mercy and grace. Do we really think that 10,000 years (and counting!) of human failure and rebellion is enough to exhaust the mercy of God? The Scriptures say that He is rich in it! Beyond that, He is a God who loves relationship. He delights to know and to be known. He loves steadfast love: both the giving and the receiving of it. He is not seeking perfection from us; He doesn’t expect that. (He Himself has provided a perfect righteousness that will be freely imputed to us [Rom. 5].) He is seeking those whose hearts are toward Him (2 Chron. 16:9). He wants people who worship Him in Spirit and in truth (John 4). He desires steadfast love more than sacrifice and to be known more than burnt offerings (Hos. 6:6; Matt. 9:13; 12:7). He is like a compassionate father, and He remembers that we are made out of dust (Ps. 103:13-14). And so He comes to us. Again and again, He comes to us. He finds us where we are: shame-filled Adam and Eve in the garden, misdirected Solomon at the high place, depressed Elijah out in the desert, runaway Jonah in a ship and angry Jonah on the hill, curious Zaccheus in the tree, guilty-sad Peter by the Sea of Galilee, raging Saul on the way to Damascus, and so on and on. He comes to us. This is the kind of God that He is.

So, fellow-believer, friend who needs mercy, don't try to hide your failure; don't think He expects you to get your act together first. Turn your face to Him; ask Him for help for your heart. We call this "faith," and it pleases Him. Righteous people live by faith: faith in Jesus. Jesus knows exactly who you are and where you are, and He is the kind of God who will come to meet you. That's why His name is Jesus: He comes (Immanuel), and He saves His people from their sins.

Tropism

Do you remember learning about "tropism" in the plant section of your 4th grade science book? You know, phototropism, hydrotropism, and thigmotropism? I remember being intrigued and looking for examples of tropisms in the plants around me.

The Biology Online dictionary defines "tropism" as "A movement or growth response of a cell or an organism to a stimulus, which may either be positive or negative depending on the source and kind of stimulation." The entry goes on to differentiate "tropism" from similar phenomena such as "kinesis" or "taxis" and then offers examples of various kinds of "tropism."

You wanted to know all of that, right? (But really, it's pretty cool.)

Over the years, the idea of tropism has grown deeper roots in my life. According to the Bible, the God who made the world, crafts each human individually, and orders every day with personal attention and care is continually calling people to come to Him and to know Him. He's always pursuing relationship with people. There's a very real sense in which He intends for every single facet of your life in every single stage of your life to act as a stimulus in your relationship with Him. The Christian's interaction with life should be "theotropic."

That being said, I wanted to share two tropism parables with you.

1). Thigmotropism (response to touch stimuli).

I wrote this little poem-prayer back when I was in school (and when I thought that writing poetry in Elizabethan English was a thing. I've since learned differently. Don't judge.).

Thigmotropy

As vining plant, when touched by stick,

In glad dependence graspeth quick,

Let me, dear Lord, when touched by Thee,

Display a like thigmotropy.

2). Heliotropism (response to the sun).

When I took a walk a few evenings ago, I noticed these field clovers craning their necks west, turning full face toward the setting sun. The responsiveness of the plants to the sun echoed in my own heart as a prayer for myself and the people I love: "May our hearts always turn toward You like that."

What have you seen recently that has helped your heart grow toward God?

"No One has Ever Seen God"

"No one has ever seen God."

This phrase appears twice in John's writings: a simple statement of fact.

There's an obvious reality that God is spirit, and we cannot see Him. We who believe in God do so by faith and, like it says in Hebrews 11, live "as seeing Him who is invisible."

Towards the beginning of his gospel, however, John points out that there is an exception to the whole not seeing God thing. He writes, "No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father's side, he has made him known" (Jn 1:18).

Here's the exception: although no one has seen the Father, the Son came and revealed Him. To see Jesus is to see God. Those who look on Jesus see "the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" (2 Cor. 4). For 33 years, God walked the earth, and people saw His face. This is a beautiful and deep truth, but if you believe what the Bible says about Jesus being God, then at some level, it's still a reasonable/understandable concept.

Later in his life, though, John writes a couple of letters, and in his first letter, he brings up the subject of seeing God again. "No one has ever seen God;" he says, but "if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us" (1 Jn 4:12).

Wait. What?

The first time that we read "no one has ever seen God," we are reminded that Jesus is an exception to that.

The second time that we read "no one has ever seen God," we are told that love among believers is an exception to that.

Don't miss the weight and profoundness of this!

(In fact, if you have any questions about what John is implying here, go back and read the larger contexts in which these two texts appear. The contexts totally support the intentional parallel of Christ bringing the fullness and knowledge of God to us, our receiving it, and then our being enabled to pass it along.)

In my church, we've been studying about Heaven during our morning services (highly recommend the series!). So as I've been thinking about this phrase from John's writings, it's mingled with thoughts about Heaven, and here's one of my main takeaways:

In Heaven, we will see the face of God. But today, others can see the face of God in the mutual love of believers. Others will recognize the face of God from seeing His love being given and received among His people. So, when I love my brothers and sisters like God does, I, like Jesus, am letting people see God, and I can do so now in a way that will not be mine to do (at least in the same way) in eternity.

God, please let it be that I and my brothers and sisters would so "keep ourselves in the love of God," that we live it out incessantly in ways that make You known/visible in our relationships with each other today. We believe You to be the Most Beautiful and Winsome of Beings, and we want You to be known and loved. We are amazed to think that anyone could catch a glimpse of Your face in us; it's the greatest honor we could ever have. (Like, the more I think about it, the more mind-blowing it is.) Let our gratitude and gladness find full expression today. In others words, let me and my brothers and sisters love each other so thoroughly today that someone gets to see Your face in ours. That would be more amazing than we could put into words. And give us faith to believe that You actually intend to reveal Yourself to others through us!

Oasis

From the time I was 13 years old, Psalm 119 has been an oasis for my soul. I remember the first time I read it: riding in our family van on a weekend roadtrip, my large-print child's Bible spread out on my lap. 

I couldn't believe how much the person who was writing the psalm loved the words of God. I didn't know you could love the words of God like that. But the psalmist showed me that you could. And through the work of the Spirit, the psalmist's love for God and His Word ignited mine, and I began to love the Bible and devote myself to it. I memorized Psalm 119 a few months later.

In the years since then, Psalm 119 has never been far from my heart. It's one of my most listened-to tracks in my playlist. I've turned to it when I'm full of delight in God and looking for words to express my gladness and worship. I've spread it open before God when I'm mute with weariness or grief and needed words for my mourning. I've dragged my soul to its pages kicking and screaming in rebellion, dry and cracked with thirst, shell-shocked from the fight with sin, and sullen with indifference. And I have found life in its words. 

Tonight was no different. My soul was dull, spent from a full day of people and half a dozen to-dos still tugging at me. But when I walked in the door of my house, I felt the inexorable pull of Psalm 119. Life. Water. Repentance. Hope. Communion. Petition. Longing. The words of life beckoned. 

God invited me to come drink.

Notebook paper, pencil, open Bible.

Oasis.

And slowly my soul revived.

Sandra McCracken has an album on the Psalms, and her Psalm 119 song is titled "Flourishing." My good friend Sallie shared the song with me about three weeks ago, and I've listened to it nearly every day since then. I hope you'll listen to it...and that you'll go spread your roots into oasis of Psalm 119 and be filled with its life-giving water. 

P.S. More to come on the topic of "flourishing."

God is Sleeping

Matthew 8 gives us a window into the cadence of Jesus' life and ministry, unfolding His words and actions right after after He came down from giving the Sermon on the Mount. He touched and healed a leper. He came into a town called Capernaum and helped a centurion and the centurion's servant. He visited Peter's house and healed Peter's mother-in-law. He cast out demons. He answered challenging questions and pressed home the truth and urgency of the Kingdom...And He was tired. 

Towards the end of the chapter, we read: 
"And when He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but He was asleep" (Matt. 8:23-24).

He was asleep. Jesus - God - was sleeping.

It's startling.

I mean, this is the Unwearied God of Isaiah, right? 

Remember these words: "He does not faint or grow weary"? 

Or Psalm 121 saying that the Keeper of Israel doesn't slumber or sleep? 

What is this?

This is Incarnation.

        When God becomes Man.

        A Man and yet God.

        Both God and Man.

And see this Man?

He is sleeping…

        sleeping…

               sleeping...in a boat…

                        a little Galilean fishing boat:

                        probably not much more than 14 feet long and 5 or 6 feet wide,

               a crowded little boat

         full of working men and equipment…

He's sleeping…

         sleeping through a storm,

         sleeping under adverse conditions.

How is He sleeping at a time like this???

He must be exhausted...bone-weary...spent…

Reader, pause and worship: your God is sleeping in a boat.

And why? 

Why?

Why is God sleeping the sleep of exhaustion?

Why? Why must it be like this?

He shouldn’t be here!

He shouldn’t have to feel tiredness!

       He’s God!

       He’s the Unwearied.

       He’s Eternally Strong.

Why this frailty?

Why this limitation?

Why?

Why is God sleeping in a boat?

It's because of me, of us.

Because of me and my fellow men.

Because it was according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God. 

                        Because it was fitting for Jesus to be made like His brothers in every way.

          Because “since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself 

                                   partook of the same things” (Heb. 2).

And so Jesus is here.

He is sleeping in a boat.

He is tasting weariness…

- just as He will taste death -

...because of us.

He is bearing our weakness and infirmities, 

so that we can experience His strength and grace perfected in our weakness.

"In this is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us..." 1 John 4

What's Your Identity?

I read and listened to Hebrews several times this week. One of the times going through it, I made a list of how believers are described throughout the book. Take a look:

-        those who are to inherit salvation

-        those who are sanctified ("...for both He who sanctifies and those who are being sanctified all have one Source..." - see how closely He identifies with us!)

-        brothers ("...He is not ashamed to call them 'brothers'.")

-        the offspring of Abraham (Love the context of this one: "for surely it is not angels that He helps; He helps the offspring of Abraham." Human beings. He especially cares for human beings.)

-        you who share in a heavenly calling

-        His house

-        those who listened/we who have believed

-        all who obey Him

-        those who through faith and patience inherit the promises

-        those who draw near to God through Him ("He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them." The faithful love of Jesus for us is this strong and this good!)

-        those who are called

-        those who are eagerly waiting for Him 

-        those who are being sanctified ("...by a single sacrifice, He has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified." Doesn't that put courage back into your heart?!)

-        My righteous one

-        those who have faith and preserve their souls

-        the firstborn who are enrolled in Heaven

I was blown away. Incredible. I don't really think of myself in all these terms, but these are God-given statements about our identity and hope. If you are a child of God, this is already who you are. This is the character of everyone who belongs to God (whether they are maturely reflecting it at the moment or not). Brothers and sisters, by the grace of God, choose to believe this and to step into this - your true identity - today in the face of your own thoughts and feelings, which may be communicating very opposite things to you. Take God at His word and open your heart to Him. He is the unchangeable God, and it is impossible for Him to lie (Heb.6). He means all of these things that He says about us: this is who we are.

And, reader, if the burdens and darkness of life are heavy now and you doubt about His willingness and ability to be and do these things in or for you personally, hurting friend, please read through Hebrews yourself. Look for what it says about the nature and ways of God. You will find a gentle, faithful God who has provided a perfect, sympathetic High Priest and who sits on a throne of grace offering mercy and help. I had to make a list of that too. And together "let us draw near" to this God.

"Now may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the Great Shepherd of the sheep, but the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen." (Heb.13:20)